Giving In

I'm pretty sure that the phrase "giving in" comes with quite a negative connotation. It implies finally giving up an increasingly swaying resistance to some carnal desire. You can't do it anymore, and I'm here to tell you that I can't either. Maybe because you give in, you feel free. Light. No longer burdened with the temptations that have been a corroding factor in your life for who knows how long. If you're like me, there's always something.

Some people applaud the one who gives in. Why resist? Do what you want to do! There is no wrong and right anyway. Get lit. Be true to yourself. "Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us." (2 Ne 28:7)

But I believe that the act of giving in is invariably accompanied by some level of disappointment. At least, that's my experience. If I give in, it means I'm not strong enough, good enough, determined enough... and is that disappointment worth it? I don't actually feel free at all. I feel like a failure. Because, did I get what did I really wanted anyway?

I maintain that self mastery and discipline are much more fulfilling than that cookie, or that soda, or that TV show, or anything else which tickles your fancy for about an hour or less. Did I really even want those things? Certainly not more than I want to be healthy, good, beautiful, strong, determined, and in control of my life!

So I'm doing a different kind of giving in now. I'm giving into the temptation to live deliberately, make choices instead of just letting life happen, and doing whatever the hell I REALLY want to do! I'm giving into something I truly want, but have been resisting because it's hard. What a lame excuse. And yeah, I've made this commitment before. I already know I'll have to do it again. But don't worry, I'll let you know when I reach perfection.

"Winning On The Daily" exists to the end of being accountable to myself and keeping all this crap straight in my head. It's been a long time since I've written, and I've been wanting to get back into it. So I'm giving in to that too.

I served an LDS mission in Las Vegas, and I learned that no matter what my day looked like as far as reaching goals and being the superwoman I wanted to be, at the end of the day I still won. I won no matter what, because I was a freaking missionary! And all I could do as a missionary was serve God to the best of my ability. As long as I did that, I was winning.

I now adopt that perspective into my normal human life and declare myself a winner! I win because I have goals in the first place. I win because I can be anything and do anything I want. I win because of my desire to be better, and for each step in the right direction. I win because I am trying.

"Wherefore, beware lest ye are deceived; and that ye may not be deceived seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given; For verily I say unto you, they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do; that all may be benefited that seek or that ask of me..." (D&C 46:8-9)

Happy winning!

Yours Truly